Navigating Toxicity: Understanding the Normalcy of Limiting Relationships

Dealing with a toxic mother can be one of the most challenging experiences of an individual's life. This article delves into the emotional struggles of those who have cut ties with their mothers due to abusive and manipulative behavior. We explore the impact of such relationships on mental and emotional health, and discuss the normalcy of not speaking to a toxic mother, even after years of separation.

Understanding Toxic Parental Relationships

Individual toxic mothers often exhibit behaviors such as constant put-downs, manipulative tactics, and emotional abuse. These behaviors, while harmful, are not rare. A story often heard is that of Lisa, who shares, 'I would let them back into my life only for them to start acting weird and putting me down. I got so stressed that it affected my mental and physical health. So I would stay away except for Christmas and birthdays.'

Impact of Toxic Relationships on Mental and Physical Health

The stress of dealing with a toxic mother can be overwhelming and detrimental to one's well-being. The psychological toll can lead to depression, anxiety, and even physical health issues. Lisa's sister also stopped speaking to their mother over 20 years ago, not because of a grudge, but due to the constant pain and stress caused by her mother's behavior. This shows that even with forgiveness, the emotional scars can be deep and long-lasting.

Strategy for Moving Forward

It is important to recognize that the duration and intensity of a toxic relationship can vary from person to person. As Lisa noticed, even after a few years, the stress brought by her mother continued, leading her to cut off all contact except for specific occasions. She explains, 'My daughter is under her roof, hidden from me, waiting for the perfect time to hurt me. Fish have to swim, hummingbirds have to fly; her mentality is to inflict pain. Emotional pain is part of her survival mechanism.'

Case Studies of Toxic Relationships

Two notable cases highlight the different ways toxic relationships can manifest. Lisa's aunt and her mother had a strained relationship because her aunt was pulled out of school and forced to marry at the age of 14. Her mother blamed her extensively. Another friend, a 40-year-old woman, was sexually assaulted by her stepfather as a child, which led to her being disowned by her mother. Despite her mother's hurtful words and actions, she still seeks financial assistance and emotional support from her mother, indicating that not all toxic relationships result in complete severance.

The Role of Therapy

Seeking professional help, such as therapy, is a common path many individuals take to cope with toxic relationships. This can help individuals process their emotions and find new ways to deal with underlying trauma. Lisa's friend, who experienced a traumatic event, decided to attend therapy despite her mother’s indiscretions. This shows that even when the source of trauma is a toxic mother, stepping back and seeking help can lead to a healthier way of life.

Conclusion

It is important to acknowledge the normalcy of not speaking to a toxic mother, even after years of attempting to maintain a relationship. Mental and emotional well-being should always be the top priority. If you are in a similar situation, consider seeking support from friends, family, or professional therapists. Remember, healing takes time and is a journey, not a destination.