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17. Describe to the parents the common reactions to grief and loss (e.g., shock, anger, guilt, shame, lack of focus, behavioral changes, mood swings, regression, and preoccupation); ask the parents to add any symptoms personally experienced or observed in their children.
18. Assign the parents to play “The Talking, Feeling and Doing Game” (Gardner, Western Psychological Services) or “The Ungame” (Taicor Inc.) with their children to help each family member identify and express feelings related to the death or loss.
19. Brainstorm with the parents ideas for facing holidays, birthdays, and the anniversary of the loss (e.g., plan an activity with the family, share fond memories with one another, visit the cemetery, and talk to the lost loved one).
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11. Impl ement strategi e s 21
focused on offering comfort and support to the grieving child. (21, 22)
12. Facilitate the child’s entry 23 into individual counseling if the grief reaction is severe or prolonged. (23, 24)
13. Maintain consistent and 25
supportive discipline strategies. (25, 26)
Assign the parents to involve the child in planning a memorial devoted to special memories, stories, and experiences involving the lost loved one on the anniversary of the loss, birthday, or holiday.
Instruct the parents to implement strategies to assist the child in dealing with grief (e.g., be open and tell the truth, don’t hesitate to express own grief, reassure that the death or loss was not the child’s fault).
Encourage parents to read books or watch video’s with the child about grief and loss (e.g., The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Buscaglia, Don’t Despair on Thursdays by Moser) and to discuss the thoughts and emotions triggered by the stories.
Assign the parents to keep a daily journal of the child’s grief reactions; discuss them during subsequent counseling sessions, being alert for signs of a severe or prolonged grief process.
Instruct the parents to watch for prolonged or severe grief reactions from the child (e.g., sustained disinterest in daily activities, loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping, extended regression, withdrawal from relationships) and refer the child for individual therapy if appropriate.
Instruct the parents to continue to have reasonable expectations for their child’s behavior and to
14. Reassure the child about personal security; express an awareness and empathy for existing fears; and commit to maintaining a close, loving relationship. (27, 28)
15. Verbalize an understanding that losses are an unavoidable part of life. (29, 30)
discipline in a loving, compassionate, consistent manner that holds the child accountable.
Advise the parents to remain intimately involved in the lives and activities of all of their children; explain that careful monitoring of the children’s behavior, although not always appreciated, is an essential responsibility of both the parents especially during times of family trauma.
27. Assist the parents in planning a time and method of reassuring the child about personal security and expressing awareness and empathy for the child’s fears and feelings of grief.
28. Assist the parents in identifying age-appropriate, positive interventions to help the child deal with grief (e.g., active listening, frequent affirmations, answer questions, read books about grief and loss together, and continually express support and encouragement).
29. Assign the parents to collaborate with their children to create a time line of significant events including births, deaths, marriages, and graduations to gain a visual perspective of the celebrations and losses encompassed within their family history.
30. Instruct the parents to encourage elder family members to share their wisdom and experiences in dealing with grief and loss with them and the child.
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Describe ways to turn despair into positive, productive effort. (31, 32)
List personal and family goals and express optimism for family and personal relationships in the future. (33, 34)
31. Encourage the parents to assist the child in writing an article about the family’s grief experience and share it with members of their grief support group or submit it to a grief newsletter or Web site.
32. Assign the parents to brainstorm with their child methods of turning reactions to a traumatic event into a positive effort (e.g., volunteer to help others who are grieving, work for a significant charity, start a project for change, promote the seatbelt law) and choose one project for family participation.
33. Assign the parents to construct with their children a collage picture representing their family five years in the future focusing on achievements, activities, career paths, personal and family relationships.
34. Assign the parents to read Lessons from Geese (Clayton) with their child and follow with a discussion of how people, like geese, can help one another cope in times of grief and loss.