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No regrets - Beazley H.

Beazley H. No regrets - Wiley publishing , 2004. - 234 p.
ISBN 0-471-21295-4
Download (direct link): noregrets2004.pdf
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• A profound regret over having missed the big events of his oldest son’s life led Pepe to reject a promotion to a still more demanding job. Instead, he took less pay in a position that required little travel so that he could spend more time with his two younger children. Pepe’s regret caused him to reprioritize his time, reevaluate the importance of his career, and change the goals he had set for himself.
• Bankruptcy from credit card debt taught Ling and her husband fiscal restraint, the value of a budget, and the necessity of saving. They learned to spend less and so to live within their means, paving the way for a more secure financial future.
• Jake’s heart attack forced him to determine what was most important in his life. “It was,” he said, “the best thing that ever happened to me. It changed my whole perspective, and I acted on it, changing my lifestyle and my priorities.”
Regrets can teach us:
• To follow our intuition.
• To relish every moment we spend with the people we love.
• To realize the limitation that material things have to make us happy or to bring about a deep and lasting satisfaction.
• To say “I love you” to those we do love.
• To make amends when we need to make them.
• To become more self-disciplined.
• To tell the truth.
Examine the lessons and gifts that you have identified for each of your regrets, and describe in your journal:
• How you have used them to benefit yourself.
• New ways in which you might use them to benefit yourself.
4. Apply the Lessons and Gifts for the Benefit of Others
The lessons and gifts of your regrets can be used to help others as well as yourself. When you take advantage of that opportunity, you profit again from your regrets and make their consequences more bearable. Rather than a set of experiences that brought you only pain, your regrets become a source of wisdom, which you can share with others. Asked why he thought there was so much suffering in the world, a man once replied, “Without it, we would have no need of one another. You would have no reason to help other people, and they would have no opportunity to help you.”
You can use the lessons of your regrets to help others who can profit from what you have learned and from what you have to share. You can support other people emotionally and spiritually and help them find hope, courage, and answers when you have suffered as they have. Your lessons can be an example, your gifts an inspiration, and your letting go a model. Whatever your lessons and whatever your gifts, there is someone with whom you can share them. There is someone for whom your regrets can make a difference.
In helping others, of course, you also help yourself. Nothing takes a person out of self-pity, remorse, and regret as quickly as helping another human being. There is someone out there who needs you, someone who will appreciate you, and someone who will profit from what you know. There is also someone to remind you of how grateful you can be for what you have been given. By serving others, your own advantages in life become clearer and your own blessings more obvious.
To complete Step Six, describe for each of your regrets:
• How you have used its lessons and gifts to benefit others.
• New ways in which you could use its lessons and gifts to benefit others.
Applying the Spiritual and Psychological Tools
If you have trouble identifying the lessons and gifts of your regret or the ways in which they can be applied to benefit you and others, use the spiritual and psychological tools to gain the insights you need. For example, pray for the willingness to be open to the lessons and gifts of your regrets. Ask your higher power for the help you need to identify them and for the creativity to apply them imaginatively to benefit yourself and others. Pray for the courage to accept the good that has come from your regrets.
Visualize working the step. See yourself finding the lessons and gifts of your regrets, writing them in your journal, and marveling at what you have learned. Imagine applying them enthusiastically to help yourself and others in specific ways, finding satisfaction in these gifts that are now yours to give as a result of your regrets. See yourself being congratulated by your confidant for the rich harvest, and experience the joy you feel at having learned and been given so much.
Use thought analysis to think logically and creatively about ways to use the lessons and gifts ofyour regrets. Seek the counsel ofyour confidant and friends in your search to identify them and to apply them to benefit yourself and others. Affirm, “I am using the lessons and gifts of my regrets,” “I am grateful for the lessons and gifts I have been given,” and “I see the good that has come from my regrets.”
As a result of working Step Six, you have found a redeeming feature to your regrets: lessons and gifts. Although you may not consider them worth the price you paid for them, they can be enormously valuable nonetheless. Your regrets, therefore, have not been a total loss. This more balanced view of your regrets is also a more realistic view, and it prepares you for Step Seven: developing compassion.
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