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No regrets - Beazley H.

Beazley H. No regrets - Wiley publishing , 2004. - 234 p.
ISBN 0-471-21295-4
Download (direct link): noregrets2004.pdf
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Finding a Confidant
Regardless ofwhether or not you choose to share your journey with friends or members of a small group, you need to identify one person in whom to confide and with whom you will work the steps. This person will be your designated confidant. Your confidant is someone you trust to share the intimate aspects of your journey and who will assist you in working the Ten Steps. Your confidant will challenge or support your decisions, as appropriate, and help you clarify your options as you progress through the steps. Because your confidant will play such a vital role, you must choose him or her with care.
Your designated confidant should be someone:
• Who is a good listener.
• With whom you are comfortable in confiding.
• Whose judgment you trust.
• Who has your best interests at heart.
• Who will maintain the confidentiality of what you say.
• Who will never use anything you tell him or her against you.
• Who will honor your emotions and let you have them without being
embarrassed or distressed.
In thinking about someone to fulfill that role, whom might you consider? List the names of possible candidates in your journal.
Also give some thought to others with whom you might share portions of your journey of letting go, not as your designated confidant, but as fellow travelers or potential members of a small group of people devoted to letting go of their regrets. Use your journal to list the names of these people.
Using the Spiritual and Psychological Tools
Step Two can be a painful and discouraging step unless you make use of the spiritual and psychological tools. Use the tools in preparation for the step as well as for each item on the Action List. Pray for the courage to face your regrets honestly and squarely, to remember accurately the past actions and events that contributed to them, and to see all the consequences you’ve suffered from holding onto them. Ask your higher power to keep you from false blame or from denying your own role in the events that triggered your regret. Pray that you will find the emotional support you need as you return to your regrets and reconstruct them for the purpose of letting them go. Pray to be comforted, to be loved, and to know that things will work for the best, confident that you will find your way to a happy ending at the conclusion of this process.
Visualize yourself starting the step, working it with courage and determination, and feeling a sense of release and accomplishment at its successful completion. Imagine yourself beginning and finishing each of the items on the Action List, being praised by your confidant for a job well done, and congratulating yourself on what you have accomplished. Imagine the confidence you feel having catalogued and so contained your regrets—with all their consequences and blame and anger clearly listed.
Imagine the joy that comes from facing your past squarely and knowing that the remaining steps, like this step, will lead you to freedom.
Journal about your fears and your anger whenever they arise. Write about the sadness you feel, how much remembering still hurts, and how much you want to let go of the pain. Remind yourself in your journal, using thought analysis, of the many benefits that will come as a result of your courageous actions in completing this step. Journal about your hopes for the future and about your commitment to completing this step.
Share your pain and your fear with your confidant, revealing whatever you need to communicate in order to be helped, supported, and encouraged. Ask for sympathy and emotional support from your friends as you work the step, and use your confidant as a sounding board to explore the many negative consequences of holding onto your regrets.
Use affirmations to support you at every stage of the step. Affirm, for example, “I am successfully completing Step Two,” “I am examining my regrets,” “I am eagerly doing whatever is necessary to let go of my regrets,” and “I am safe, loved, and supported.”
Working Step Two
In Step One, you described your regrets and the feelings associated with them. In Step Two, you will analyze those regrets in more detail. As in the previous step, an Action List of items will lead you through the journaling exercises.
Action List: Step Two
Examining Regrets
1. Your role in creating the regret
2. Those you hurt in the regret
3. Those you blame for the regret
4. Consequences of holding onto the regret
1. Your Role in Creating the Regret
What part did you play in creating your regret? In some cases, your role may have been primary. Louis, for example, was extremely possessive of his fianc?e. The closer they had grown emotionally, the more jealous he became of her male friends and the more suspicious he was of her activities when he was not around. Ultimately, Louis even became resentful of the time she spent with her girlfriends, preferring that she spend the time with him because he “loved her so much.” When his fianc?e finally broke off the engagement, because, she said, he was “suffocating” her, Louis was devastated. It was the biggest regret of his life. Only in retrospect could he admit that the responsibility for the breakup was largely his. He could not control his jealous behavior.
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