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No regrets - Beazley H.

Beazley H. No regrets - Wiley publishing , 2004. - 234 p.
ISBN 0-471-21295-4
Download (direct link): noregrets2004.pdf
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Begin by deciding whether your journal will be handwritten, permanently stored on a computer, or printed out from a computer. If it’s to be handwritten or printed out, choose a loose-leaf binder or a refillable notebook that can handle additional page insertions and that can accommodate dividers for indexing. You will be adding pages as you go along, and some of them will be inserted in the middle of previous writings.
Regardless of the medium you choose for your journal, find a safe place
in which to hide it. Without a safe hiding place, you won’t feel free to reveal all the details you need in order to let go of your regrets. If your journal is digital, hide it deep in the computer and secure it with a password, or write it on a disk and keep the disk in a secure place. You must always be confident that only you will ever read your journal.
Once your journal is ready, write the following as your first entry: “It’s not that I can’t let go of my regrets, it’s that I haven’t. I now accept that I can let go of my regrets. I am willing to learn how, and I am willing to let them go.”
The Ten-Step Process
The process of going through the Ten Steps and applying their principles to your regrets is called “working” the steps. The Ten Steps are said to be “worked” rather than “taken” or “done” because, well, they involve work. To work a step means to:
• Understand the purpose of the step and its role in letting go of your regrets.
• Take the actions the step recommends, applying its principles to your life and changing your behavior accordingly.
Freedom from regret is achieved through working the Ten Steps. After the first step, each of the remaining steps builds on the one before it, so that the steps should be worked in numerical order. Each step will empower you to work the next step. If you try to work the steps out of order, you will lose the power inherent in their design, and your tasks will be more demanding and more daunting. If you skip a step, the next step will be much more difficult. If you eliminate a step, the whole program may fail. On the other hand, the steps do not have to be worked perfectly. The more thoroughly you work them, however, the greater your healing will be. But even a modest effort that takes you through all the steps will produce results and diminish the painful effect of your regrets. The extent to which you want to let of go of those regrets—reflected in how diligently
you work the steps—is your choice to make. The positive results you will experience from progressing through the steps is likely to increase your motivation to work them carefully and completely. And you will find that once you have completed a step, the next step will be easier than you could have imagined before you worked it.
In reading this book, there are two basic approaches. You may choose to read through the entire book first before starting any of the steps. After you have completed the book, you then return to the steps to work them one at a time.
Alternatively, you may choose to read only as far in the book as the step you are working. The advantage of the former approach is that it gives you an overview of the entire step process described in the book. The advantage of the latter approach is that it keeps you focused on the step you are working rather than worrying about the steps to come. Future steps will always appear more difficult until the steps before them have been worked. Pick the approach that seems intuitively right for you.
The Ten Steps are as follows:
1. Listing Regrets
2. Examining Regrets
3. Changing Toxic Thought Patterns
4. Grieving Losses
5. Making Amends
6. Identifying Lessons and Gifts
7. Developing Compassion
8. Forgiving Others
9. Forgiving Ourselves
10. Living Free of Regret
Ifyou look at the Ten Steps as a whole, the process ofworking them may seem intimidating, if not impossible. If you are suddenly seized with the idea that it’s time to take out the garbage, take a deep breath instead. The Ten Steps are not worked as a whole, and that is not the way to view them. They are worked individually, one at a time. It is counterproductive at the beginning of a journey of transformation to jump to the final destination,
stare at all the distance in between, and imagine the degree of work required to travel it. Instead, focus on the present step and on the next right thing to do, given where you are in the steps and on your journey. As the steps unfold, each will seem just right for the moment, just what you need, just as you need it. If you take the steps one at a time, you will go from one to the next with surprising momentum and be richly rewarded each time. Success in letting go of regrets is achieved one page at a time, one step at a time, one day at a time.
All that is necessary now is the willingness to begin. And you have already demonstrated that much willingness by buying this book and reading up to this chapter. A complete commitment to letting go of your regrets is not required. Perhaps not even 50.1 percent is necessary, because you will grow in your commitment. Willingness will come over time as the rewards of your early efforts reinforce your desire to move forward, and you become ever more committed to what you are trying to do and ever more pleased with what you are achieving.
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