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No regrets - Beazley H.

Beazley H. No regrets - Wiley publishing , 2004. - 234 p.
ISBN 0-471-21295-4
Download (direct link): noregrets2004.pdf
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UNDERSTANDING REGRETS
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bring the same result. Regardless of the timetable, release from burdensome regrets is virtually assured for those who commit themselves to working the Ten-Step program described in this book.
Your timetable for completing the steps will be determined primarily by the priority you place on letting go of your regrets. If it is a high priority, you will start now and stay with it until you have made peace with the past that holds you. We inevitably spend time on what is important to us. How important is it to you to let go of your regrets? If you are serious about letting go, consider how much time you are willing to spend on the steps. Be realistic but compassionate. You are setting these goals for yourself, not for someone else.
What if you don’t meet your timetable? Then you don’t meet it. Flexibility is important. Unexpected events may arise that will prevent you from devoting the time to which you are committing now. If so, revise the time estimate as you become more familiar with the process. You may want to increase or decrease it. When you have determined what your time commitment will be, write it on a sheet of paper in the form shown below and insert it in this book as a bookmark. You may set the time commitment in minutes per day or hours per week.
My commitment is to spend_____________minutes per day (or____________
hours per week) reading No Regrets and working the Ten Steps.
If necessary, I will revise this time commitment as my journey progresses.
Signature Date
Congratulations. You have begun to let go of your regrets.
2
Ten Steps to Letting Go
Those of us who have wrestled with burdensome regrets know that the process of letting go is not as simple as people without burdensome regrets make it sound. Some of our family members and friends have encouraged us to let go of our regrets, as if it were easy, not realizing how difficult the task is. We know, however, that the experience of those who have let go of their regrets is so different from ours that they can’t appreciate what they are asking us to do. Whatever such people know about letting go of regret, we don’t know. They declare, “Forget it and move on with your life,” because they’ve done it a thousand times before. They have no basis in their experience to understand what it is like for us. The difficulty of letting go of our regrets, like the price of holding onto them, is greater for us than they can possibly imagine.
Those of us with burdensome regrets have to learn how to let go. Letting go is a process, not a single event. It is a journey of exploration that takes us down an inner path that we may not have traveled much before. Our regrets will not magically disappear as we walk this path, but they will fade away if we diligently apply the Ten Steps and their spiritual and psychological tools.
Regrets reside in us—in our memories—and so that is where we have to deal with them. Our regrets belong to no one else—only to us. It seems like our regrets belong to everyone involved, but they do not. Our regrets
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TEN STEPS TO LETTING GO
27
are ours and ours alone to manage—to keep or to let go. Other people who were with us when the regret developed may have their own set of regrets, but they are not ours. What they do with theirs is up to them. What we do with ours is up to us.
The belief that we cannot let go of our regrets keeps some of us from trying. We will never let go of our regrets with that attitude. Why should we? But the belief is false. We can let go. When we do not let go, it’s because we have made that choice. Instead of saying, “I cant let go of this regret,” try saying, “I’m not willing to let go of this regret.” Or even, “I wont let go of this regret.” To see our own complicity in preserving the regrets that cause us pain may be a hard truth. But it’s also good news. If we are responsible for holding onto our regrets, then we can let them go.
The one thing we can definitely change in life is us. When we accept responsibility for holding on to our regrets and shift our perspective from cant let go to won’t let go, we move from helplessness to power. Not knowing how to let go is not the same as being unable to let go. Because the how is something we can learn. The purpose of the Ten Steps is to teach us how to let go of our regrets. But the steps do even more than that. They walk us through the whole process, step by step.
Start now by saying, “I am letting go of this regret” whenever you think ofyour regret, and stop repeating the fiction, “I cant let go.” You can let go. Acceptance of that fact is fundamental to letting go of your regrets.
One of the tools that you will use in working the Ten Steps is journaling, which is the process of writing about something in a notebook or on a computer. Journaling is an important part of step work, because writing something down makes it more real and focuses your thinking. Journaling is discussed in the next chapter. Now, however, would be a good time to prepare your journal, because you will use it in this chapter.
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