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No regrets - Beazley H.

No regrets  - Beazley H.

No regrets

Author: Beazley H.
Publishers: Wiley publishing
Year of publication: 2004
Number of pages: 234
ISBN 0-471-21295-4
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Download: noregrets2004.pdf

A Ten-Step Program for Living in the Present and Leaving the Past Behind
Hamilton Beazley, Ph.D.
NO REGRETS
NO REGRETS
A Ten-Step Program for Living in the Present and Leaving the Past Behind
Hamilton Beazley, Ph.D.
WILEY
John Wile_y & Sons, Inc.
Copyright © 2004 by Hamilton Beazley. All rights reserved
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey Published simultaneously in Canada
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750-8400, fax (978) 6468600, or on the web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, (201) 748-6011, fax (201) 748-6008.
Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and the author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages..
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Beazley, Hamilton, date.
No regrets : a ten-step program for living in the present and leaving the past behind / Hamilton Beazley. p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 0-471-21295-4 1. Regret. I. Title.
BF575 .R33 B43 2004 158.1—dc22
Printed in the United States of America
10 987654321
To Judith Nowak, whose insights, love, and laughter on the road less traveled have made all the difference. For you and that difference, I will always be grateful. Deo non fortuna.
Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Introduction: Something Remarkable Is Possible 1
Part I. Preparation for Letting Go
1. Understanding Regrets 9
2. Ten Steps to Letting Go 26
3. Using Spiritual and Psychological Tools 37
Part II. The Ten Steps to Letting Go of Regrets
4. Step One: Listing Regrets 63
5. Step Two: Examining Regrets 72
6. Step Three: Changing Toxic Thought Patterns 80
7. Step Four: Grieving Losses 99
8. Step Five: Making Amends 107
9. Step Six: Identifying Lessons and Gifts 127
10. Step Seven: Developing Compassion 142
vii
vui
CONTENTS
11. Step Eight: Forgiving Others 151
12. Step Nine: Forgiving Ourselves 170
13. Step Ten: Living Free of Regret 187
Appendix A: Recommended Reading 203
Appendix B: Summary of the Ten-Step Action Lists 205
Appendix C: Quick Reference: Tools, Principles,
and Toxic Thought Patterns 209
Index
213
Acknowledgments
This book is ultimately a collaboration with the many people who shared with me their personal stories of regret and with the scholars and practitioners in psychology, psychiatry, and spirituality whom I consulted in researching it. To each of you who gave so generously of your time, knowledge, and spirit, I am most grateful.
The idea for No Regrets was suggested to me by my friend Michael K. Deaver, who also challenged me to write the book. I am appreciative of both the suggestion and the challenge, and for his encouragement during the writing process.
The metaphor of “the road less traveled,” which is used throughout the book, originated with Robert Frost in his poem “The Road Not Taken.” But the phrase was first, or at least most prominently, applied to psychological and spiritual matters by M. Scott Peck, the author of The Road Less Traveled. Dr. Peck’s landmark work influenced this book and, before that, had an impact on my own life when it was first published. I am indebted to him for popularizing the phrase and for his marvelous book, which is still one of the best guides I know to living a full, rich, and productive life.
I want to acknowledge my obvious debt to Alcoholics Anonymous and its Twelve Step program of recovery for the concept of the steps. Although the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are not the same as the Ten Steps of letting go of regret (with the exception of making amends), they
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